The Big Bang at Sookie's Mash-ination
by hummingbirds2
Summary: When Sheldon Cooper meets a maenad in the garden after Sookie Stackhouse's Open Day, the whole event turns out to be quite a blast. Sookie and Sam do some soul searching too. Essentially, the world will never be the same again. Post DEA and around Season 6 in BBT.
1. The Garden of Eden

**Chapter One - The Garden of Eden**

The flowers of the Angel's Trumpet hung gracefully from sturdy branches, their perfume filling the sultry evening air. Sookie spoke to the man, whose face was almost inserted in the largest of the pristine-white blooms.

"The woods and yard are closing now, Sir. The Open Day is over," she said.

Beyond him, Sookie saw the other visitors crunching their way down the gravel drive. They were leaving her property, or as it was listed in the Bon Temps Garden Show leaflet: Stackhouse Residence - Garden of Eden. This name reflected the lushness of the garden, she had been told by the organisers. Twisty snakes and naked men or women wearing fig leaves need not apply. They had laughed. The baskets overflowing with tempting apples, for visitors to take on their way out, had been a good idea though. It was apple season, and since Niall's fertile goodbye-gift had taken root, the Stackhouse Residence could supply apples to infinity and beyond!

Sookie's attention returned to the man next to her, when he sneezed and backed away from the bloom. The lingerer looked horrified.

"Silly," he whined to himself, "you know nature can do terrible things to a body." He withdrew a tissue from a pocket pack, wiped his nose carefully, looked at the used tissue in disgust, and held it at arm's length. He glanced around distractedly. Spying a trash can nearby, he dumped the offending tissue.

Sookie heard him mention antihistamine-this and antibacterial-that in the car, but the man made no move to leave. He didn't seem to have heard her 'time to go' hint, or even to have noticed her.

He did notice some big red tomatoes though, and now stood hunched over the melon-sized fruits muttering, "My, oh my, how this garden grows! But exactly! How? And why? It's just not natural… Hmmm... Initial imperatives, soil and water sampling, cuttings…. But I'll need more light." He paused as fairy lights bathed the yard and drive in a twinkling brilliance. "Well, someone read my mind," he said to Sookie, who had stepped up next to him.

"You never know," she replied, but her own mind-reading abilities had nothing to do with the lighting. Sam must have flicked the new outdoor lights on, so the final visitors could see their way out safely through the dusky gloom.

Then it occurred to Sookie that the stranger, now squatting down to peer at the soil, might have been implying he knew she was a telepath. So she did read his mind, or tried to. He was human, but his was the strangest mind she had ever encountered. It was like hell in there. She heard:

_… fertility … fascinating … discoverthesecrettothislife …. spockvaporizesrock … wintheNobelPrize ... saveworldfromstarvation …. whybother … wintheNobelPeacePrize … superhero … supercareer… bazinga …_

Sookie's head pounded with the brain-strain. Reading this man's mind exhausted her more than the long day crowded with people had, and the thought of more people crawling all over her land trying to find the secret to life, aka fairy magic, made her shudder. She'd been afraid that the garden's super-abundance would stir curiosity, and here it was in this nerd. Or nut-case!

"Sheldon," a blonde woman shouted from the drive, "c'mon, it's time to go. The garden's closing."

The man, Sheldon, rose, looking perplexed. "But I'm not finished yet, Penny," he shouted back.

"Yes, you are! Or you'll be walking back to Shreveport," answered a male companion.

"Aww, not fair," Sheldon complained, and then to no one in particular or maybe it was to the garden, "I'll be back." He strode off, an unlikely Schwarzenegger, to catch up with the woman and her companions.

Sookie breathed a sigh of relief. That was it - Garden Open Day over!

Being part of the community could be as tricky as the devil sometimes, but there had been no way she could put off the Bon Temps Garden Society once Tara had outed her garden to them. The Society had been in raptures on their inspection visit. She glanced around the yard and saw what they'd seen. She couldn't help but feel proud.

Everything thrived. It was a most colourful, scented jungle of plants and fruits and vegetables and blooms. And it stayed that way. The garden didn't look like it had been trampled by hundreds of feet or trashed by many tweaking fingers. It had simply regenerated to be as lush as ever.

Bugs loved the garden too, and now began to chirrup their nightly chorus.

Sookie strolled towards the back of the house, passing her latest vegetable plot. She silently wondered why Niall could make her land so fertile, when he couldn't do the same for Faery; their forests were dwindling, Dermot had said. Her own woods sprouted with new life, fresh and green. Sookie's Sawmill might have to become more than just a joke!

Out of the corner of her eye, Sookie saw the earth move in the middle of the carrot patch. Not moles again! It wasn't only plants and bugs that did well in the garden, animal life loved it too. When a row of green carrot-fronds rippled, and then did it again, Sookie sat down on the steps to watch. The rhythmic ripples picked up speed, until the whole carrot patch vibrated like an earthquake had hit. Finally, after an almighty heave of earth, the vibrations ceased.

"What was that? Moles, the size of mountains?" Sam asked, arriving from the kitchen, two cold beers in hand. He walked down the steps, passing one to Sookie. "It's not only the plants that grow bigger here, is it, Sook? Maybe you need to call Pest Control."

Sookie opened her mouth to speak, but that was as far she got. The entire carrot crop shook loose in an explosive hail of dirt and…

Vampires!

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**Disclaimer**: All characters from the SVM universe are owned and created by Charlaine Harris. She is not responsible for the actions of her characters in this story. Thank you too, to the creators of the wonderful Big Bang characters.


	2. Carrots, anyone?

**Chapter 2 - Carrots, anyone?**

When the dust settled, a war-zone of carrot carnage and two naked undead were exposed. Bill and Karin shook themselves free of excess dirt, and eyed each other. Bill levitated for a moment to pluck a piece of greenery from Karin's blonde(ish) hair.

Just outside the blast zone at the bottom of the steps, Sam stood silent, like a startled deer in the headlights (not literally; he hadn't shifted), but Sookie found her voice. "Yup, I definitely need Pest Control."

This wasn't the first time Bill or Karin had used her garden as a resting place. Sookie just hadn't known that they 'rested' together, or that it was such an explosive combination when they did. Anyone could see the earth had moved for them. From the state of Bill's nether regions though, he was either ready for another round of 'gettin' down and dirty' or there was something about carrot patches that turned him on, big-style. And it appeared, Sam was right. Everything did grow bigger in her garden!

Suddenly, Sookie wondered if the garden's fertility could change a vampire's sterility! The thought of baby vampires being conceived in her own back yard… She didn't know what to think about that! Once she'd read a story with a vampire child in it... But such things were just fiction. She pushed the terrible fantasy away.

Feeling tired right down to her marrow (not the vegetable), Sookie slouched where she sat. The adrenaline spike fuelled by the 'blast' was fading fast. A little anger bubbled up though, when she looked at the disaster area her two vampire protectors had produced. But she was too tired to be angry, which made her even angrier.

She went with the feeling. She shot up from the step and marched over to the carrot-lovers, tiredness forgotten. "Bill and Karin, you two will fix up this mess." Sookie waved a hand in the direction of the desecrated vegetable patch, and then took a long sip of her ice-cold beer before adding, "If you two are gonna come for sleepovers, we've gotta talk about when, where and how. This is my home. My rules! Busting out of the ground without so much as a fig leaf on is not acceptable!"

"It is one way to harvest carrots though," Karin said, deadpan.

Bill added quickly, in his quiet, cool voice, "Good evening, Sookie, and our apologies, but the carrots weren't there when we bedded down."

Sookie breathed in and slowly let out a long breath. _When had this become all about the carrots?_ Still, she knew what Bill said was true. She'd planted the seeds and the soil's fairy-fertility had done the rest, while Bill and Karin had been dead for the day. The two vampires must have dug themselves into, what looked like, a comfy, freshly-tilled bed of earth - not a carrot patch at all.

She didn't have to ask Bill and Karin why they were burying themselves in her ground to over-day. Each of them had told her already. It felt so good in her earth; it felt like a shot of life-force. It felt, to Sookie, like it might become a pain in the butt, if the two of them got any more addicted to the good-life feeling.

She took another long sip of her beer.

Sookie remembered Bill saying she was lucky that vampires were banned from her land, or she'd have them all digging in for some joie de vivre. Sookie pictured her garden like a vampire cemetery where each deader bedded down for the day. They'd write their name on a plaque and plant it where they lay, like a cross between a headboard and a headstone. It gave a whole new meaning to the term, bed and board_. _This beer's gone straight to my brain, Sookie thought, when an image of a Dawn to Dusk Stackhouse 'Semetery' sign floated through her mind, along with a glimpse of a cherub-like, fully-fanged vampire child.

She hoped she wasn't developing any psychic tendencies!

Sookie shook her head sharply to get rid of the madness and saw that the carrot patch had been put to rights. The soil was freshly tilled again, topped off by neat stacks of baby carrots. Bill and Karin took a bow; Bill still looked like he was enjoying himself way too much. It seemed that carrot patches might just be his turn-on.

Sookie mused that she should employ Bill to tend her garden, seeing he liked it so much_. No double meaning intended_! Her land was going to be a lot of work, if it remained super-fertile forever. Perhaps, Karin could pitch in too. Sookie let herself smile; vamp speed could be good for a lot of things, and surprisingly, gardening was one of them.

"Sook," she heard Sam say urgently, right behind her, and she jumped, startled. She hadn't heard him approach. Her mind had been away with the fairies or something.

"Sook," he repeated, "we've got more company."

"What? Who? Not that nerd again. He said he'd be back."

"Ah, no!"

Sam drained his beer, took Sookie's and drained it too. Distractedly, he dropped the empty bottles on the grass.

Sookie raised her eyebrows, but her stomach began to sink. A wave of fear and desire and guilt engulfed her, but the emotions weren't hers. They were Sam's. Sometimes with Sam, when she was tired and his emotions were strong, it was like having a type of blood bond again. Using energy she didn't know she had, she blocked Sam's emotions out.

_Who could be coming_?

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Disclaimer: All characters from the SVM universe are owned and created by Charlaine Harris. She is not responsible for the actions of her characters in this story. Thank you too, to the creators of the wonderful Big Bang characters.


	3. Maenad Moves

**Chapter 3 - Maenad Moves**

Sookie followed Sam's gaze to the edge of her woods. There was nothing to see, not yet. Then, Bill and Karin twisted their heads towards the trees, maybe hearing something she could not.

Silently, they all waited, scanning the darkness beyond the fairy lights. Sookie shivered, despite the warmth of the summer night. She was just about to send out her telepathic sense, when a human shape morphed out of the blackness that was the treeline. She couldn't be sure who it was. But the vampires and shifter sure could.

"Don't look into her eyes," Bill said to Karin. "She can send her madness through them. We're all at risk, although the shifter… Perhaps, not so much."

Sookie's heart sank. _It couldn't be, could it?_

Sam breathed, "Callisto," with a certain longing in his voice. His face reddened when he saw Sookie watching him.

Sookie looked back to see the maenad gliding towards them. Like poetry in motion, she blended with the landscape, her movements fluid. A stick, topped with vines, swung rhythmically at her side. She was dressed in strips of animal hide, not necessarily strategically placed for modesty. Into her sticky-out hairstyle, long leaves were wreathed, and they swayed in time with the roll of her hips. Sookie expected the maenad's stinky pet hog to be trotting at her heels, but it was nowhere in sight. _Probably ended in a snack attack!_

When the maenad slid into the light, Sookie realised that the leafy wreath on Callisto's head had a life all its own. It writhed with snakes. She paled.

The Stackhouse Residence really was turning into a version of the Garden of Eden, a supe version. It had the exquisite fairy abundance, the naked vampire man and woman, the serpent(s) riding on a maenad, and the fruit, lotsa fruit.… What next? Temptation, of course!

Sam said, "Callisto," again, while taking small steps forward, as if reluctant to leave, but unable to stop himself.

Sookie thought that maybe Sam hadn't looked like a deer in the headlights because of the carrot-patch incident. Maybe, he'd already felt Callisto's call. What had he said about that? A maenad was impossible to resist if you're a shifter, and he was a shifter.

Bill and Karin flashed to stand at either side of Sookie.

Sam kept moving away, towards his ex.

Sookie's second-place feeling kicked in, but it wasn't why she felt so nauseous, not entirely anyway. This maenad had nearly poisoned her to death, using her as a messenger to Eric for tribute. Then, at their last meeting, Callisto had nearly driven her demented. If she hadn't stood between Bill and Eric feeling their silence, she might really have ended up as crazy Sookie. Or dead. That night's human carnage had been tribute enough though, and Callisto had left happy, and left Sam alone too. Until now!

Sookie spat up a little into her mouth, when Callisto reached for Sam and embraced him, body to body and mouth to mouth. Thinking she might be the one needing resuscitation before the night was over, Sookie swallowed hard and locked down her telepathy. She didn't want to feel any of this; seeing was bad enough. She looked down at her feet.

"Sookie, are your wards still in place?" Bill whispered in her ear.

"Uh huh, Amelia and Bob topped them up before they left."

"Good, at least if the maenad means you harm, she'll be stopped."

"Not if she doesn't have a soul. Do maenads have souls?"

"Your guess is as good as mine."

"I wonder what she wants."

"I'd say Sam, for a while. He'll have to … hunt with her."

"Yeah, hunt! That's one way of putting it. They're both wild things of the earth, and she's the Queen of being wild, I'd say. So he'll have no choice." She'd heard it all before. What Queens wanted, Queens got.

"That's probably true," Bill hedged, "Sometimes we all have to do things that we don't want to."

"Not making this any better, Bill."

"And even if he does get to like it … er, the hunting, nothing changes that it wouldn't be his first choice. That would be you, wouldn't it?"

An image of Sam, and then Eric, getting to 'like it' popped into her mind. She shook her head, and turned on Bill. "Is that what happened with me and you? When you were sent here, it wasn't your first choice, but you got to enjoy it. Really, really, not making me feel any better!"

A very irritated Sookie tingled with rage. It was probably better than feeling sick, but she'd thought she was past all this. It occurred to Sookie then that the maenad might be causing the fight. It had happened before!

_Supes_! Sookie's fight or flight 'swingometer' swung all the way over to fight! It wasn't Bill she wanted to fight though. But how could she fight a maenad? Well, there wouldn't be any 'hunting' on her land for a start! Surely, Sam could manage that much self-control! She glanced up at the couple. Nah, it didn't look like there was much self-control there, not from the way Sam was lip-syncing with Callisto.

Sookie looked down again and noticed with some satisfaction, that Bill wasn't as cocky as he had been before! _Hah, double meaning intended_! She tuned back in as he whispered, "...and the maenad will want tribute. Definitely, tribute. I'm surprised she's back for more so soon. The human blood bath at that orgy should have sated …"

His hushed tones died, when Callisto hissed, "My messenger, what have you done?"

* * *

Disclaimer: All characters from the SVM universe are owned and created by Charlaine Harris. She is not responsible for the actions of her characters in this story. Thank you too, to the creators of the wonderful Big Bang characters.


	4. Epiphanies

**Chapter 4 - Epiphanies**

Sookie guessed she was the messenger. She wished she had the protection of longer lashes, as she risked an eyes-half-open glimpse up towards Callisto. _Crapola_. She'd managed to look right into the maenad's eyes, when Sam peeled his body away from his ex's.

Sookie huffed out a breath. So, she'd looked! Why not? This was her place, her pride and joy, where she belonged, and the way she felt right now, it was a wonder her glare didn't incinerate Callisto on the spot. She was nobody's messenger, not any more … although she might lend Callisto a phone, if push came to shove and it looked like it would.

Callisto pointed her stick or wand-thingy right at Sookie's chest. _Eek_!

But nothing happened, not from the stick and not from the wards. Sookie stood; Callisto stood – it was a stand-off. Either the maenad meant no harm, and was simply using her stick as a pointer, or she had no soul. Or the wards weren't working!

Sookie wanted to giggle. She could only imagine that Callisto was messing with her mind already, because the maenad didn't look like any laughing matter. Callisto had bared her pointed teeth to snarl and they were all bloody, probably from the remains of that snack attack. _Eew_!

Sookie wished Callisto would learn to use a grill.

The nightly bug chorus silenced, and nothing and nobody moved**. **Even the grass gave up growing, under the weight of the tension in the air.

Callisto seemed content to wait for an answer. But who knew what 'her maenad-ness' meant by asking "What have you done?"

Sweat trickled down Sookie's brow and instinctively, she brushed it aside with a flick of her hand. The movement broke the spell, if there was one. Sam turned around to face her, his blue eyes darting back and forth between Sookie and Callisto. Seeing his desperate expression, Sookie damped down her temper and let self-preservation surface.

She answered the maenad, as civilly she could. "What have I done? I've had my yard and woods open to the public today, but it's over now. No more visitors allowed." _Hint! Hint!_

"Your yard? Your woods?" Callisto cackled, but she lowered her stick. "Your existence on this earth is so brief, that you are the visitor here." She cocked her head to the side, like a chicken might, to take a better look at a worm it meant to devour. After a moment watching Sookie, Callisto gave her a blood-stained smile, even creepier than the earlier snarly teeth-baring. "You, my messenger, have pleased me with your pride and anger and the scent of alcohol on your breath. It attracts me, as does the sex that's been had in the earth and the alcohol my shifter tasted ready for my kiss."

_Well, shit_, Sookie thought, but she said, "Well, I'm mighty pleased we've been able to welcome you, as you would want!" Sarcasm drenched her words, but the maenad didn't seem to notice she should be drowning.

Callisto nodded once, acknowledging this welcome as her due. She told them, "In the beginning, the enchantment drew me here. From afar, I felt a disturbance in my connection to the earth, so I went a-hunting until I found the source. And here it is – magic, not of this earth, woven into my earth. I revel in its excess."

Sookie blanched. Never a blessing without a curse it seemed. Niall's wish had brought the fertile joy de vivre to her land, but it attracted everyone - local townsfolk, vampire neighbours, visiting nerds and now a maenad. Who next? And what next?

Callisto had another question.

"Who has enchanted this land without my assent?" Callisto stuck her stick into the grass, and she sniffed the night air. With tongues flicking, her snakes waggled in a grisly halo around her head! "Methinks, fairies! Meddlers, all! And there is a whiff of the fairy about you, my messenger."

Sookie was just readying herself for some more stick-pointing-in-her-direction, when the maenad turned to Sam adding, "And now, there is something of the fairy about you, Sam, my beautiful piece of shifter meat."

Sookie didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Sam shuffled in a non-fairylike manner, when Callisto slid her gaze over his form, as if to confirm the state of her meat. She licked her lips.

Sam mirrored the lip-licking.

To Sookie's relief, Sam didn't launch into another lip-lock with the maenad, and his lip-licking washed away the red stain left by Callisto's first kiss. Sookie needed no reminders of bloody kisses. Then, to Sookie's surprise, Sam took the moment to introduce her to Callisto, as his friend and business partner in Merlotte's.

The maenad replied, not acknowledging Sookie, "Ah, Merlotte's, the drinking establishment! I must acknowledge your tribute as paid, Sam."

Sookie's mind reeled and not because the maenad had no manners. _Tribute! What tribute?_ _How long has Sam known Callisto was back_? _Long enough to organise tribute apparently_! _Why didn't he tell me about her?_ Sookie's heart tore like the Titanic, and waited to sink.

Sam simply looked perplexed, and then raised his eyebrows in some sort of epiphany. He threw Sookie an intense look, with narrowed eyes and a slight nod of the head.

She could hardly bear to look at him. But he did the intense head-and-eye-thing again. Was he trying to tell her something? Like a light bulb switching on in her brain, Sookie had her own blinding epiphany moment. She remembered she could hear Sam's thoughts at times, especially if he thought at her directly. How could she have forgotten such a thing? Maybe that cluviel dor really had screwed with her head. She focused on Sam and tentatively opened her mind, not wanting to pick up any of the maenad's madness.

She heard _Arlene_!

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Disclaimer: All characters from the SVM universe are owned and created by Charlaine Harris. She is not responsible for the actions of her characters in this story. Thank you too, to the creators of the wonderful Big Bang characters.


	5. Like a Renfield

**Chapter 5 - Just like a Renfield**

Immediately, Sookie got it – Arlene, dead in the dumpster at Merlotte's. Callisto thought Arlene's dead body was blood spilled in her honour. Then, Sookie recalled the maenad's first visit and Lafayette - dead in the car park outside Merlotte's. Sam had been remarkably lucky, being able to provide suitable tribute for Callisto.

She realised then, that Sam probably knew as much about the maenad's latest visit, as she did. Sookie's heart stopped sinking, but she still had that sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Callisto must have been lurking in Bon Temps and her woods, undetected for weeks. It seemed maenads could simply blend in with nature whenever they wished, and then appear when least expected or wanted. But who would _ever_ want a maenad? Oh, Sam would, she thought. Poor Sam! Whether he wanted to or not, he'd answer the call!

Then Sookie squirmed in her shoes. That last thought was a little too close to the bone. Using the cluviel dor, she'd called Sam - in a way. Sure, it was back from the dead, but she'd used magic on him, whether he wanted it or not, and now he wanted to be with her. She was his everything, he said. The word, Renfield, flickered through her thoughts, but Sookie squashed down that flash of insight, along with any guilt. She'd had best intentions. She shrugged off the unhappy musings and shut down her telepathy when the maenad spoke to her.

"Messenger, I accept the small tribute from your fertile soil."

Tribute? What tribute? Sookie thought again. She hoped to hell and back, nothing or no one else had to die, but she remained silent and still_. _So did everyone else, except Callisto. The air almost crackled with tension or magic or both, as the maenad lifted her stick.

Everyone breathed again (even the vampires), when the stick pointed away from them towards Bill and Karin's happy-place, where neat piles of 'freshly-picked' carrots lay. Or were they newly-dead tribute? _Carrots?_

Any doubts died, as Callisto wielded her stick like a wand. The carrots 'bled out', turning to mulch under the maenad's influence. She intoned, "Nourish this life-giving earth and give manna to the souls who have passed."

Sookie hoped the souls liked carrot puree!

Any levity ceased, when Callisto said to Sam, "And yours is a soul that should have passed. Your soul should be mine!"

The maenad said to Sookie, "Answer me now, what have you done?"

Sookie couldn't speak, not with her heart in her mouth. What had she done? To Sam's soul! With her wish! She'd never thought about his soul.

It was Sam who answered the maenad. "Sookie saved my life with a fairy object and wish. I was dead, but she called me back."

Callisto gave a nod; Sam's words obviously confirmed her suspicions. "The wish brought the fairy enchantment into you." She eyed Sam, and then Sookie, up and down. "And it must have been a wish of love, because your soul not only returned to you, but linked to hers. Mated!"

"Oh," said Sam, "you can see a connection?"

"Can't you feel it?"

"Maybe."

Callisto explained, as if to a small child, "You are soul-mated. I know. I am maenad. I am possessed and empowered by my God, Dionysus, the divine communicant between the living and the dead. Ours is a cult of souls and I feed the dead through blood-offerings and other tribute. Your soul should be mine, and now, even your body is not. I call you and you are … reluctant. She has you, body and soul."

Sam looked quite happy about his being 'had'.

Callisto did not.

Sookie spoke quickly. "I didn't mean to do anything like that, Sam. I just wanted you to live." She took a step in his direction. "I couldn't stand the thought of my world without you in it." She caught his eye and spoke directly to him. "Remember, we wondered if the magic had affected us. We thought it might and we didn't care-"

Callisto butted in. "Of course, you didn't care. That's love magic for you." Her snakes hissed and Callisto let out a peel of laughter. It was not a happy sound though.

The maenad stroked Sam's cheek with a filthy fingertip. "You have been ensorcelled by a fairy and one that is very little fairy at that." She asked him, "Shall I kill her to free you?"

"What? No!" Sam said, grasping Callisto's hand, as if to stay any execution. "Sookie is my … everything."

"Well, you would say that! You are spellbound, my poor Sam." She shook her head at his delusion. "Still, the killing was just whimsy. I think I'll keep my messenger alive … for now. I'm going to live in this enchanted wood. It calls out to me to revel in it, over and over again." Callisto's eyes glazed over, as if dreaming of the pleasure to be had. Refocusing, she explained, "And if she's dead, the magic just might wither without her."

Sookie wasn't sure about that, but if the idea kept her alive, it was something she could live with. Having the maenad frolicking in her woods was not. Talk about unwanted guests outstaying their welcome!

Callisto said, "We will have fun in the woods, Sam." Coyly, she reached up and twirled a snake around her finger, as if it were a strand of hair. She released it to point at Sam. "But you must come, whenever I call. Thusly, we must break your soul's enchantment!"

Sam looked doubtful. "Oh, you don't have to worry about that. I'm sure we can work something out."

Sookie rolled her eyes. Next thing, he'd be reluctantly 'running' with Callisto, telling her had no choice, then getting to enjoy it, but wanting to sleep with her anyway. It was the story of her life. She just felt sick about it, and she knew Sam would too. If they were connected, 'running' with Callisto wouldn't be easy, and Callisto had already felt Sam's reluctance to answer her call. Whatever happened, it was time to break the cluviel dor's spell, Sookie decided.

She was going pro-active.

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Disclaimer: All characters from the SVM universe are owned and created by Charlaine Harris. She is not responsible for the actions of her characters in this story. Thank you too, to the creators of the wonderful Big Bang characters.


	6. Breaking Not-So-Old Ties

**Chapter 6 - Breaking Not-So-Old Ties**

"Okay, how do Sam and I break our connection?" she asked Callisto. "And if we do, what's the catch? Dropping down dead? Having a soul with scars? Unbearable agony…."

Sam interrupted saying, "Sookie, you don't have to do this. I'm happy to be your soul mate." The result of a maenad trying to break fairy magic struck terror into his soul! And part of it belonged to Sookie, along with his heart.

Sookie heard the fear in Sam's voice. He didn't want to let her go, but she knew she had to let him go. She smiled a little at Sam, and at the irony. She'd always wanted a sure thing in a partner, to be number one to the man she was with and the cluviel dor's magic had tried to give her just that – a ready-made soul mate, one she couldn't 'hear', but could feel. Now she knew, this wasn't right.

She said, "Let's just hear what Callisto's got to say. If there's magic binding us and it's broken, we'll be able to have a fresh start. Whatever happens between us then, we'll know it's the real deal."

"Does it matter?"

"I think it does, Sam. And, being practical, if you have to heed Callisto's call," she took a deep breath to steady herself, "it will be easier for you, and for me, if we are not … connected. Anyway, I don't think we have much choice."

Slowly, Sam nodded. He got it and he wanted to make Sookie happy, if he could. "Alrighty, then. No pain, no gain, huh?"

"Let's hope for the no-pain solution, Sam." With a maenad, she wasn't so sure though.

Callisto said, "There's no pain … if it's done correctly. To work best, we need the person who did the enchanting," Callisto's eyes met Sookie's "a kiss, and intent."

Relieved, Sookie nodded. That sounded about right. She knew fairy magic could be given and taken away by kissing. Heck, she'd even had practice with Niall and Dermot. "Let's do this, Sam."

Meeting in the middle, Sam said to Sookie, "Let's make this worth it, no matter what happens."

Their lips met, warm and moist. Sookie relaxed, once she realised Sam didn't taste like the bloody remains of the maenad's last supper. The kiss was sweet, not a sweaty, sex-kiss in public. Sookie's hands cupped Sam's face to hers, just as he wrapped her body gently in his embrace. There was nothing animalistic about it. This was all human and tender, and it felt right.

Sookie spoke into the kiss, "I free you, Sam", and she thought about his soul disconnecting from hers, returning to his own form. She pressed a little harder into his lips when her whole body began to quiver gently. It felt like being tickled by a thousand butterflies' wings, until it didn't. She waited for some pain to kick in, but …. it didn't. Then Sam shuddered, and stilled, his lips tight to hers. She hoped he was alright. He breathed in and murmured 'Mmmm' into Sookie's mouth, before breaking away to look into her eyes to ask, "Alright?"

"Yes, you?"

"I'm good."

"Well, we must have done it right," Sookie answered, realising they were both okay. "This is for the best." Essentially, she felt no different, although she knew something had lifted, shifted, gone. It was just a … feeling. Maybe.

"Ah," said Callisto, "that's better." She seemed sure.

That sentence creeped Sookie out! Having a maenad know, what your soul was doing, just wasn't good. She dropped her hands from Sam's face, and pulled gently away from him to move back a step or two. Sam let her.

Callisto slid up, close to Sam. "Now, we will celebrate your release, my shifter, and bacchanal in this enchanted land."

Sookie didn't want the maenad bacchanal–ing (whatever that was) anywhere near her home, let alone with Sam, and not now. Sam was…. She didn't get time to finish that thought. Callisto had raised her wand again.

Silent, smooth and fast, Bill and Karin flanked Sookie once more.

Callisto said to them, "It's time to get a message to your Sheriff for tribute." She made to strike down towards Sookie with her wand.

Keeping their eyes off the maenad's, Karin and Bill morphed together to protect Sookie with their bodies. Callisto's poisonous magic would sting, but it shouldn't kill them.

"Step aside!" the maenad ordered. "I'm only going to use her as a messenger for tribute. I'm not going to kill her and use her as _the_ tribute. She has pleased me a little with her welcome."

Bill and Karen stayed put. Sookie stayed hidden.

Sam explained urgently, "Your poison nearly killed Sookie the last time she acted as your messenger."

"But she survived it and now, it will be punishment for enchanting this land without my consent." Callisto revelled in the enchantment, but she hadn't forgotten the insult. Her permission hadn't been sought.

"Why risk her dying?" Bill interjected. "I was there last time. It was a close thing, and the Viking is no longer Sheriff. The new Sheriff may not have the resources to get immediate treatment."

Sookie hoped Bill was bluffing about Pam's resources. Just in case!

She hoped the wards might zap Callisto any time now. No such luck!

She hoped… She hoped she could go to bed soon.

Suddenly, Sookie felt way beyond tired, and dead tired of supes' weird ways. She pushed forward through her two human shields to say, "Look, Callisto, I'll call Pam, the Sheriff of the Area, on my phone. You can talk to her yourself about the tribute."

Callisto frowned, but lowered her wand. She wanted to punish Sookie, but she didn't want her to die. She wanted the land to stay enchanted, but she wanted her tribute soon. She'd liked her messenger plan very much. Gradually, the maenad's expression soured, as if she'd sucked on a big, bad lemon! "I know nothing of these phones. The old ways are best," she said, and raised her wand again.

Sam moved faster than Sookie had thought he could. Sometimes she forgot he was a supe, with extra strength and speed. He'd stepped up in front of Callisto, his head slightly bowed. He said quietly, "I've paid my tribute and Sookie's welcomed you. Let's you and I hunt! The vampires'll get the tribute for you." He looked up into Callisto's stormy eyes.

Sookie thought he was brave … or stupid.

Only time would tell.

* * *

Disclaimer: All characters from the SVM universe are owned and created by Charlaine Harris. She is not responsible for the actions of her characters in this story. Thank you too, to the creators of the wonderful Big Bang characters.


	7. The Unlikely Schwarzenegger

**Chapter 7 - The Unlikely Schwarzenegger**

The air crackled, when Callisto's eyes flashed with the light of a dangerous madness. Maenads weren't nicknamed the Raving Ones for nothing!

"Eyes down," Bill said and no one had to be told twice, even Sam. Their eyes fell like the air pressure around them. Sookie's ears popped. As if a heavy cloud blanketed their skin, they were caught at the epicentre of the gathering storm that was Callisto.

Sookie prayed for the wards to work, for God's help, for a distraction, for…

It was another flash of light that caught everyone off guard. It swept over them all where they stood at the side of the house, and the sound of gravel crunching under tyres announced more company.

Distracted, all heads swivelled, as a car pulled up on Sookie's drive. Just when she'd never wanted to see another visitor ever again, Sookie had never been so thankful to see one – actually five, she realised after a quick telepathic head-count. Five humans!

The purr of the car's engine cut out and the lights died. She hoped the maenad hadn't done that.

The front passenger door opened. No one emerged, but they heard the driver say crossly, "This better stop your whining, or we'll be going to Shreveport without you. And mind your manners, it's getting late. Remember, this garden is actually closed, Sheldon."

Sookie remembered the name, Sheldon. He was the tall, slightly-hunched nerd, who had been so unhappy about leaving earlier. He and his friends should have been well on their way to Shreveport by now. Apparently, this Sheldon had a stubborn streak a mile wide.

"But I said I'd be back!" she heard her unlikely Schwarzenegger say. "And I don't see why I have to ask permission to get one little itty-bitty soil sample anyway. They should be giving them away, so people can check the authenticity of their magical claims."

"The leaflet didn't claim the garden was caused by magic, Sheldon. The word was 'magical', a descriptive term used to add colour and atmosphere to text. You know that and you know the law very well, too. We're not going to trespass."

"Well, fine, Leonard. I'll get permission from" there was a rustling of paper "a Miss Stackhouse. While I do that, why don't you organise getting the sample, Bernadette? You're used to doing small biological things. I am a theoretical physicist. I try not to get my hands dirty with actual dirt."

A female voice snarled a reply. "You want the dirt? You get the dirt, before I make you eat the dirt!"

"Bernadette, there's no call for rudeness," Sheldon admonished. "But as you feel so strongly about this, I will do it myself. If I get sick, Leonard, Amy, Penny and you need to nurse me, blame Bernadette. Now, pass me the sample kit."

"Just wear your gloves, follow sampling procedures 101 and you won't get sick."

"Easy for you to say, Leonard! You are only an observer."

Another girl in the car complained, "Would you just hurry it up? I wanna eat sometime tonight. Have a glass of wine or three. Kick back. Relax. There's a hotel bed with my name written on it too."

"Penny, Penny, Penny, things aren't always about you," Sheldon told the woman. "And you should know that the saying 'more haste, less speed' has scientifically been proven to be correct."

"Has it?" asked the other man, Leonard.

"Why, no! Of course, not! What scientist worth his or her salt would waste time researching that little gem of common sense?"

"Why did you say someone had scientifically proven it then?"

"Well, I usually find that when dealing with those of a more mentally-challenged nature, like our Penny here, invoking science or religion lends a credibility to any response, which ensures the less-able, less-questioning members of our society become more malleable."

"That's not nice, Sheldon."

"No? But true, nonetheless."

"Sheldon, honey, you really are a piece of work," said a woman, Sookie thought was Penny. "Get your ass moving, before I … sic Bernadette onto you!"

"Now _that's_ not very nice, Penny. Bernadette is a respected microbiologist, not a dog, or more correctly, a bitch, to be sicced."

This back and forth continued.

Sookie saw the maenad tilt her head, and smile that creepy smile. She appeared to be listening intently to the car full of humans. Sookie wondered if the maenad was simply enjoying the bickering or if she was causing it. Either way, Sookie realised that she shouldn't be happy the visitors were here. They wouldn't stand a chance if the maenad suddenly wanted to party or if she saw them as tribute.

Callisto slid away a little from the shifter, the telepath and the two vampires, towards the human visitors' car.

Bill whispered, "We should go the other way."

Callisto didn't turn, still intent on the newcomers, but her snakes swivelled and hissed at them, fangs out.

"Perhaps not … yet," Karin hissed, and Sookie bet she had her fangs out too.

Sheldon's voice cut through the heavy, night air. He was ready. "Friends note, I am going to do my own dirty work."

"Give that man a gold star someone," said the snarly-voiced woman, Sookie thought was Bernadette.

"Oh, that would be acceptable," said Sheldon, happily.

"Sheldon, just go," said Leonard.

"But Leonard-"

"Go!"

"Alright, I'm going."

* * *

Disclaimer: All characters from the SVM universe are owned and created by Charlaine Harris. She is not responsible for the actions of her characters in this story. Thank you too, to the creators of the wonderful Big Bang characters.


	8. FYI

**Chapter 8 - FYI**

When this to-ing and fro-ing finished, Sookie tried with all her might to send a telepathic message to the car's driver, Leonard.

_Leave... __Get Away_...

She didn't think it would work, but she had to try. She didn't know what Callisto would do if she just hollered, 'Git'. The maenad was as unpredictable as the weather - just when you thought you knew what to expect, it rained frogs, or maybe snakes!

Sookie heard the driver, Leonard, say, "Actually, Sheldon, hold up there for a moment. I've just noticed the garden seems a bit crowded already. Perhaps, we should come back tomorrow."

"Don't be silly, Leonard, we're travelling to my mother's in Texas tomorrow."

"But Sheldon, look! I think this might be an inconvenient time. There's five people out there already, and two of them are totally naked and one is nearly naked with what looks like strips of dead animal hanging off her. And she's got a big stick in her hand…"

"Oh, that! Fyi, that stick is known as a thyrsus. According to Dionysian myth, it can send madness into its victims in any number of excruciatingly, painful ways. And those dead animal strips are actually fawn skins, as worn by a maenad, one of the God Dionysus's followers … though that maenad's skins do seem to be from a particularly small fawn." Sookie saw Sheldon lean forward to peer out through the windscreen for a better view. "I expect the naked man and woman represent a more modern mythology. They would be the monotheistic creations to be found in the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve. Though, what they've done with their fig leaves is anyone's guess. Perhaps the maenad could help them out. The pagan cult of Dionysus was closely associated with woods and trees, specifically the fig tree."

"Sheldon, that's all _very_ interesting, but-" Leonard's snark was cut off mid-sentence by an enthusiastic Sheldon.

"You see, I am not unobservant. I had noted the assemblage before us. I'm certain those good folk have taken part in some type of mythological exhibit, a tableau if you like, to enhance the visitors' experience of this garden. We must have missed the tableau, because our visit was cut short!"

"You may be right, but I have a feeling that something is wrong here. We should leave."

Sheldon pursed his lips and shook his head. 'I am a smart man. Don't you think I'd know if I were wrong?"

"I didn't say you were wrong, Sheldon, just that something feels wrong. Maybe, it's because your mythical maenad - who's, sort of, creeping towards us - is scary and wild-looking enough to be real. And Adam and Eve don't look much better."

"Well, it is a little late, I guess. It's been a long day and none of us are at our best. I'd better get on with the sampling."

"Amen," said a few of the car's occupants.

Sookie heard Sheldon wonder, "Do you think Miss Stackhouse is the one wearing the skins, the clothes or her birthday suit? I hope she's the one in clothes or I simply won't know where to look. I'm way out of my comfort zone here."

"Just look whoever it is in the eye, Sheldon."

"Ah, no!" Sheldon disagreed and twisted around to address the car's occupants. "Fyi, all my friends, you must never look a maenad in the eye. Eyes are windows to the soul, and maenads just love souls to death. A maenad can send her power of madness into you, eyeball to eyeball so to speak, and it will kill you, even though you'll probably die happy being driven crazy in a frenzy of ecstasy and passion. As the maenad wrenches out your soul, your body will be split and your blood will be spilled to seep into the Earth as tribute to the souls who have passed. And, of course, the maenad will have your soul for her God, Dionysus, who is the keeper of souls. Now, isn't that an interesting pagan myth?"

Within the explanation, Sookie heard the sound advice about keeping your eyes off a maenad's and she hoped the visitors would use it … if they didn't leave, and if worst came to the worst.

And it looked to Sookie like it just did get worse. Callisto stopped simply edging towards the car, and began gliding forward with a purpose, and a toss of her head. The snakes took the hint, corkscrewing their way down and around the maenad's body to slip into the thick carpet of grass. The serpents slithered into a position to bring up the rear of what turned out to be a procession. Sam followed the maenad and then Sookie followed him. She felt compelled to. She wasn't sure if the compulsion was Callisto's, or if she just felt the need to do the good ol' Southern meet and greet. She really didn't want anything bad to happen to the visitors, to anyone, either. Too much blood had been spilled on her soil, as it was. At the rear, Karin and Bill let themselves be herded forward by Callisto's pets.

"Sheldon, no more lectures," Sookie heard someone whine from inside the car, but this Sheldon was quite the know-it-all and he was on a roll.

He continued, while the maenad and her 'followers' approached. "Actually, some believe the Dionysian myth was the precursor to Christianity. Both Dionysus and Christ died and returned from the dead. Both used wine and bread in their ceremonies, and in the story of the marriage at Cana where Jesus turns water into wine, some believe it was meant to show that Jesus was superior to Dionysus. All good fiction in the making."

The driver replied, "Thanks so much for the mythology and religious Lesson of the Day. Oh no! Make that the Night! Fyi, Sheldon, that's sarcasm. Look, can you just get going, if you're doing this sampling? Because you know we all want to leave."

"Well, fine, I can take a hint, but you-" Groans from all the other occupants of the car could be heard loud and long into the night, and cut off Sheldon's addendum. "Alright, I'm going."

"Now!" said all the groaners.

"Now!" Sheldon huffed, and he exited the car, at the same time as the maenad with her procession arrived at his open passenger door.

Leonard said, "Sheldon, look that maenad in the mouth, just in case!"

And that's what he did.

* * *

Disclaimer: All characters from the SVM universe are owned and created by Charlaine Harris. She is not responsible for the actions of her characters in this story. Thank you too, to the creators of the wonderful Big Bang characters.


	9. Meet and Greet

**Chapter 9 - Meet and Greet**

"Good evening, ma'am, I'm Sheldon Cooper," he said to the maenad's mouth, "and I'm looking for a Miss Stackhouse."

"I'm Miss Stackhouse," Sookie said, but Callisto spoke sharply, right over the top of her words. "That Jesus was as nothing, compared to Dionysus. Nothing! Jesus was all show and tell, mainly tell. And he couldn't throw a decent party to save himself. He had suppers! Those who took part in Dionysus's gatherings were possessed and empowered by the God himself."

Callisto thumped her thyrsus on the ground for emphasis.

Sheldon nodded. "It's good to see you've done your research for your role here as a maenad. I'm sure that during the Open Day, you had many a person put an interesting question to you. Of course, people know so little of the God, Dionysus, in this day and age. He and his maenad followers have faded into mythology, while Jesus and his disciples have gone from strength to strength still gathering followers to their story worldwide. It would be a lonely life for a maenad in the 21st Century, with Dionysian worshippers, all but extinct."

From where Sookie stood behind Sam, behind the maenad, she saw Callisto shudder from top to toe at the mention of extinction.

"Sheldon," Leonard said urgently, from inside the car, "that woman's eyes have turned red."

Callisto raised her thyrsus, at the same time as Sheldon ducked down, sticking his head into the car to answer Leonard, saying, "You're not supposed to be looking into her eyes." He saw Leonard's own eyes widen, shocked. "What is it? Did you get a whiff of her halitosis?"

"What, no, it's not her breath! The _maenad_ just tried to thump you with her stick, but you were protected behind the car door! And the woman, Miss Stackhouse - the one in clothes - is mouthing to us to 'Go', I think. Get in, Sheldon. Let's get out of here."

The women in the back seat agreed.

"I'm not leaving until I have my dirt," Sheldon said, firmly.

Sheldon unfolded from the car again and he stared at Callisto's stick which she held aloft. "Did you try to hit me with your thyrsus? That would be taking your role playing too far ... far from hospitable too. I'll be only too happy to leave once I have permission from Miss Stackhouse" his eyes searched for the clothed woman in the group and he nodded at her "to take a soil sample to test its fertility and properties thereof."

Callisto said, "No earth shall leave this land."

Ignoring the maenad, Sheldon addressed Sookie. "Miss Stackhouse," but he got no farther.

Callisto interrupted. "You are going to Shreveport?"

"My, my!" Sheldon shook his head, unimpressed. He told the maenad's mouth, "Interrupting a person when they are speaking is rude. I know this, because I have been told so, more times than it is sensible to count. But, in answer, yes, we are going to Shreveport."

Someone in the car snarked, "Someday." Another murmured, "The sooner the better."

The maenad nodded, smiling, all sweetness and light, like a lemon meringue pie. "You shall be my messenger then."

Sheldon disagreed. "No, ma'am, you are mistaken. I am not a messenger. I am a theoretical physicist from Caltech-"

The maenad butted in again, with a warning. "If you are not a messenger, you shall be tribute."

Uh oh, thought Sookie, feeling helpless and hopeless. Tribute meant more blood spilled on her land.

"Tribute!" Sheldon looked up. "You're still playing the maenad. I don't have time for this game," he said, and then threw his arms up in disgust. "Oh, darn it! Now, I've looked! And did you know your eyes are as red as Flash in his spandex? Are they sore?"

Sookie locked down her telepathy, when she realised that the redness she could now see in Sheldon's eyes was a reflection of the maenad's. They'd connected, and Sookie knew Callisto would have this Sheldon, an innocent passer-by, in the grip of her madness lickety-split. Sookie hoped none of the car's other occupants had looked … or would look.

Sam pressed back against Sookie, as Karin and Bill pressed in upon her from either side, locking their arms around her waist. Inside the supe-sandwich, Sookie shut her eyes and prayed for all their souls.

She heard Sheldon say, 'What are you doing?"

She heard the driver say, 'Are you alright, Sheldon?"

She heard a worried woman say, 'What is going on?"

She heard Callisto say, 'Now you are mine."

She heard Bill's fangs snick out, as he muttered, "This is going to get messy and we're right in the splatter zone!"

Sookie waited to hear the terrible wet noises of bloody carnage, as the soul was ripped from the man's body. But it didn't happen.

Sheldon said to Callisto, "Well, your last statement is not true. It's plain ridiculous. I am _not_ yours in any way, shape or form." Sookie thought he sounded… annoyed, not terrified!

Sookie opened her eyes, half a squint, and peered around Sam as best she could.

Sheldon seemed unaffected by the maenad's magic. She saw his eyebrows knit together and then rise above his eyes, realisation dawning. "You're trying to drive your madness into my mind to collect my soul? Well, I enjoy dressing up and role playing as much as the next person, but isn't the Open Day over?"

Callisto snarled, "I am maenad."

Sheldon ducked down into the car again and whispered, "Clearly, there's been a bit too much inbreeding around these parts, and she's taking her role far too seriously. But those red eyes of hers are fascinating. I wonder how she's doing that?"

Leonard whispered urgently, "As crazy as it sounds, could the woman be a maenad for real?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Leonard. Maenads are myths."

Callisto hissed at the word, myth, as if it were the filthiest four-letter word she had ever heard. Her snakes, bringing up the rear, hissed and spat like back-up singers.

Sheldon said to the car's occupants, "I'll play along momentarily to placate this poor deluded woman. Then I'll get the dirt and we all can go."

Sookie saw Sheldon pop back up to face the maenad again. He said, "I'm back!"

* * *

Disclaimer: All characters from the SVM universe are owned and created by Charlaine Harris. She is not responsible for the actions of her characters in this story. Thank you too, to the creators of the wonderful Big Bang characters.


	10. Dust to Dust

**Chapter 10 - Dust to Dust**

Sheldon explained the situation to Callisto in simple terms, "Now, I can see you like this game, and I like games too, so I will play with you, but only for a short time. My friends, here, will become cross if we don't leave soon. You understand?"

Callisto chuckled her delight. "Let the _game_ commence. I wouldn't want to delay your passage."

Sookie kept watching Sheldon, who nodded his agreement and said, "Alright, I'll begin." He cleared his throat. "Your act of aggression – I mean the thyrsus thrust, in case you are uncertain - must be met with swift and cruel ferocity."

The maenad looked bemused and amused, but she didn't for one second take her eyes off Sheldon's. She wanted her tribute.

In a first move, Sheldon brought his forefingers up to his temples, next to his eyes. In his second move, he squinted and hunched his body over, until he resembled a praying mantis with a serious eye disorder. What could be seen of Sheldon's eyes flickered red, reflecting the hot-lava look that must have been the maenad's.

"Fascinating," said Sheldon, keeping right on staring into the maenad's fiery eyes. Sookie couldn't imagine what he was seeing or feeling, but he seemed to be trying to beat the maenad at her own game. In his third move, he scrunched his whole face up, hard. If ugly could repel madness, he'd win, Sookie thought.

Sookie knew she shouldn't be watching, but she was as fascinated by the situation as Sheldon appeared to be. What the heck did the man think he was playing at? She supposed that if he didn't believe in maenads, he wouldn't believe there was anything to fear.

Sheldon maintained his position and Sookie hoped the wind didn't change. Then, Sookie realised that Sheldon was in luck, there was no wind. The air was as still as death.

Leonard said, "Sheldon-"

Sheldon cut him off. "Just a moment! I have to blow up this maenad's head with my mind."

"You know that's not going to work, right? Stop acting crazy."

"I'm not crazy. My mother had me tested. You know that," Sheldon said, crossly. "You're putting me off my game."

"I'm not so sure this is a game," said Leonard.

"Don't worry! I know what I'm doing here."

"I'm glad someone does," said a woman, Sookie thought was Bernadette. "Fyi, no snark intended."

In a fourth move, Sookie watched Sheldon add an extra finger at each temple. He dug his fingers into the sensitive skin there, pressing even harder against the bone, until his knuckles were white. He leaned further into his hunch to close the gap on Callisto. The two were eye to eye, when he began his fifth move. His whole face vibrated before Callisto's in some sort of super effort, as if he thought sparks would fly if he kept right on squint-staring into those hot maenad eyes. And then repeat!

Yup, Sookie thought, this Sheldon might have been tested for craziness, but they should have got a second opinion.

Sookie had hardly finished that thought when the maenad shrieked a shriek that bent the air waves and her ear drums, and then without further ado, Callisto's head exploded with a big bang, followed by a dust storm. Sookie got her eyes closed in time, mostly. It wasn't a splatter zone they were in, more like dust bowl.

Dead silence followed the big bang.

Somehow Sookie's mind couldn't grasp what had just happened. It wanted to equate it to something like a meteor strike - the incoming shriek, the big bang of impact and the dust thrown up all over. Even the earth under Sookie's feet had trembled, as if an impact event had occurred. Their supe-sandwich had staggered, before regaining its footing. But it hadn't been a meteor. A maenad's head had blown up!

Sookie carefully opened her eyes. And there was the maenad. Almost!

With thyrsus still in hand, the body of Callisto stood, headless, like a broken statue. What remained of her head hung all around them in a mist of twinkling motes under the fairy lights. It was pretty, and pretty gruesome at the same time.

"Oh my Lord," Sheldon said, "that was a fine how do you do!"

And with that, the maenad's corpse turned to dust. Callisto disintegrated in trickling cascades of dirt, first from the shoulders and then all the way down to her little dirty toes. Even her fawn skins and thyrsus dusted. Through the green, green grass, Callisto streamed grittily, returning to the Earth. From the woods, a warm, fragrant breeze swept in, blowing the remaining dust motes to the four corners of the Earth.

Sheldon moaned, "I hope I didn't breathe in any of that old maenad dust. I have allergies." The man looked perfectly healthy and relaxed, for someone who had just killed his first maenad.

For a moment, Sookie's head felt as light as the air around her, now that the maenad's influence had passed. Or maybe it was because Bill was squeezing her too tight! Some things never changed!

"Bill, Karin, go get some clothes on. These folks don't need any more trauma!"

With that, their sandwich split. At the same time, the visitors 'exploded' out of the car to hug their man. They seemed to realise that a terrible threat had just been defeated. By the look on Sheldon's face, he'd rather have battled another maenad, than get cuddles. He said, "Just because the people over there were having a group hug, doesn't mean we have to!"

His friends gave him some space, but the driver, Leonard, couldn't help patting Sheldon on the back, saying, "You do have some mad skills alright!"

"Who knew?" Sheldon replied, laughing. "Well, me, naturally! I always knew I had a super-hero tucked away inside me, just waiting for the opportunity to get out! I'm not just a genius. I am a maenad terminator!"

"How did you know what to do? When did you realise she was a real maenad?" Bernadette asked, sounding impressed.

"I didn't know, and then it all just came to me."

Penny said, "That was a real maenad then?"

At this point, Sookie and Sam piped up in unison, "Oh, yes!"

"Awesome," Penny replied.

A dark-haired woman wearing glasses planted a quick kiss on Sheldon's smooth cheek. "My hero!" she explained. "But damn! I'd really have loved to dissect that maenad's brain!"

Sookie and Sam were startled. They hadn't seen that comment coming.

Leonard explained, with a happy shrug. "She's a neurobiologist. What do you expect?"

Everyone laughed and the tension of the evening finally bled away. The bugs chirruped again.

In the warmth of that summer night, Sookie suddenly realised that being different was quite normal.

"I'll have that gold star now, Bernadette. I did my own dirty work, right?" Sheldon said.

He had to have the last word.

"Bazinga!"

**The End**

* * *

Disclaimer: All characters from the SVM universe are owned and created by Charlaine Harris. She is not responsible for the actions of her characters in this story. Thank you too, to the creators of the wonderful Big Bang characters.


	11. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

**Later that night**

On the way to Shreveport, Amy asked Sheldon, "What did you and Miss Stackhouse talk about, while you were getting the soil sample?"

"Well, Miss Stackhouse couldn't explain the garden's fertile abundance in any coherent terms. She told me a fairy had done it, and she winked at me."

Penny piped up. "Oh, like a fairy godmother had granted a wish, but instead of turning a pumpkin into a coach, she got pumpkins the size of a coach."

There were a few giggle-snorts from the car's occupants, but not from Sheldon. He said, "I didn't see any pumpkins, Penny, but be that as it may, Miss Stackhouse didn't expect me to believe her fairy tale. No, she did not. But after tonight's little adventure, I wouldn't be surprised if Miss Stackhouse had fairies at the bottom of her garden, as well as maenads coming out of her woods."

Leonard nodded, as he drove, adding, "Speaking of mythological creatures, did you see the teeth on Adam and Eve? I thought it was the serpent in the Garden of Eden that was supposed to be fanged!"

"Vampires, Leonard. My belief in their non-existence has been seriously challenged by their apparent existence. When Adam and Eve took their leave of us, did you see how they dealt with those deadly snakes?" Sheldon answered his own question. "No? Well then, that would be my point. Adam and Eve were so fast, we could hardly see them. Suffice to say, there's no more serpents in that Garden of Eden!"

Leonard glanced at Sheldon, and then back to the road. "Aren't you worried about any of this?" Usually Sheldon liked change about as much as rerun of Babylon Five. It just wasn't acceptable.

"As a matter of fact, no. I am not, as you put it, worried. To coin a wonderful phrase, 'once you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.'"

Sheldon paused to reflect. "And the truth is that I am Sheldon Cooper, genius and maenad nemesis. What's not to like about that?" He waved his hand around in the air to include the car's occupants. "It must be plain awful to be normal. Don't feel bad, though. Remember, you can be my C-men."

His C-men groaned.

Sheldon explained, "You recall it's like the X-men, but with a C for Cooper? C-men!"

Leonard said, "Yeah, yeah, we 'normal people' get it, Sheldon."

And Sheldon wondered what sort of costume a maenad terminator should wear.

At Sookie's house, Sam stripped, before shifting into his favourite collie-form. He licked Sookie on her ankle in a warm, friendly goodnight, and Sookie watched as he took off on all fours, running free right into the woods. Sookie was sure she saw him kick up his heels or paws (not a flipper in sight). He'd said he felt like his old self again. She was glad. Her own head and heart felt … numb, like they'd been wallowing in that Titanic full of ice water for too long.

She knew she would have to think about everything tomorrow, because some things never change. And because the word 'tired', didn't begin to cover the feeling, she realised. Sookie fell into a deep sleep, and dreamed. Sheldon's image rose up before her. He explained to her that the needs of the many outweighed the needs of the few, or the one. She saw him accept the Nobel Prize and the Nobel Peace Prize, after saving the world from starvation with his discovery of 'joie de vivre'. She was at his side, smiling.

Her dreamworld morphed into her garden, where she saw Niall thanking Sheldon for saving Faery's forests. Wow, she thought, thanking! This was some dream.

Then, Niall spoke to her, "I always knew you'd do something wonderful for this world and beyond, with that essential spark of yours." He stroked her hair in one long, and kinda icky, caress. "You just had to meet the right man to help you!"

Sookie woke with a start!

There was no one there. Just a dream, she realised.

Squashing her pillow back into shape, she made herself comfortable again and shut her eyes. She chuckled as she relaxed, remembering the dream. Sheldon was the right man, huh, Niall? Fairies!

As she drifted off, Sookie hoped, for the second time in the long day and night, that she wasn't developing any psychic tendencies.

But she wondered.

Over at the Compton house, Karin said to Bill as she was dressing, "Does my butt, or my gut for that matter, look big in this? All my clothes feel so tight these days. How can they all be shrinking?" She looked at Bill. "You'd better get a new washing powder or something, because it's impossible for vampires to get fat, right?"

"Right," he agreed.

But he looked at Karin and he wondered….


End file.
